Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
