I'm laying in your front yard are you home
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
