Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
