My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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