So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
