so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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