i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
