we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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