On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
