just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
