New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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