He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
