On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
