I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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