Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
