Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
