maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
