You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.