At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.