Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day