when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
