Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
