I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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