hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
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