I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
