I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
