We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
