dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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