I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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