i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
