I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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