So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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