that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
