I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
