Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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