They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
