she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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