so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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