He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
