Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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