Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
