Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dicks are not precious.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
