Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
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Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize