you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
