I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
