i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
