I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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