Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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