I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
