i don't like sucking hair
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
