Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
