And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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