I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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