I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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