i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
