I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
