he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
