Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
