I could have mohawked her pubes.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
