Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
