You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
