Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
