I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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