Texts From Last Night

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  (812): View more from Indiana

  apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"

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  (812): apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight" http://tfl.nu/9yyv
  Replies (36) Good night (7061) Bad night (604)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.

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  (810): kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking. http://tfl.nu/av4y
  Replies (34) Good night (8845) Bad night (780)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.

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  (314): last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga. http://tfl.nu/5ric
  Replies (16) Good night (4003) Bad night (1018)
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  (716): View more from New York

  whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete

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  (716): whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete http://tfl.nu/s3e3
  Replies (6) Good night (2749) Bad night (964)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?

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  (570): Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof? http://tfl.nu/enhx
  Replies (11) Good night (2919) Bad night (696)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel

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  (412): i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel http://tfl.nu/p08s
  Replies (3) Good night (944) Bad night (1679)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV

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  (908): Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV http://tfl.nu/9om8
  Replies (5) Good night (907) Bad night (1949)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...

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  (717): And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv... http://tfl.nu/8bd5
  Replies (12) Good night (790) Bad night (1670)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.

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  (847): My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan. http://tfl.nu/ww9p
  Replies (10) Good night (2369) Bad night (504)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH

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  (781): I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH http://tfl.nu/y9eb
  Replies (8) Good night (1268) Bad night (355)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.

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  (336): You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed. http://tfl.nu/8v03
  Replies (3) Good night (860) Bad night (313)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that

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  (250): The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet (1-250): Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that http://tfl.nu/74qk
  Replies (11) Good night (376) Bad night (833)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"

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  (862): You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe" http://tfl.nu/u8zn
  Replies (3) Good night (1000) Bad night (549)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  How's the hangover?

  (1-337): View more from Louisiana

  I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.

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  (337): How's the hangover? (1-337): I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should. http://tfl.nu/4fpy
  Replies (1) Good night (667) Bad night (466)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away

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  (585): I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away http://tfl.nu/yv3a
  Replies (2) Good night (192) Bad night (447)

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