i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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