It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
