If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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