I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
