I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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