i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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