I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
where are you?
Hypothermia
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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