WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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