I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
