just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have aggressive nipples.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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