there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
