If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
