I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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