That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
