I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
