Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
