I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm passing your future prison.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
