I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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