Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
