if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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