im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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